Five Things You Wish You Could Tell Your Toddlers

1: “You’re not that bright”  What makes you think it’s okay to pick up a nasty, half-eaten Cheeto in the middle of a book store in one of the busiest malls in Dubai?  How did you even find that Cheeto? It was in the corner of the cookbook section.  What compelled you to put it in your mouth? Did it look delicious? With the various rows filled with Children’s books, you decided to seek out the cookbook section hoping to dig up a Cheeto? And that’s just a tiny example! Between falling copious times a day and blindly picking up objects and tasting them like they’re chocolate laced morsels of heaven, do I need to have a third “insurance” baby just in case?

2: “You guys are kind of annoying!” With an irritating cocktail of tantrums and needy behavior, these kids can really get on my nerves! The older one would spend every second of every day with me if she could (including all night). Okay, most of the time I secretly revel in her unconditional love for me, but sometimes I just need some space.  Also, what is up with interrupting me? I’m assuming what I’m in the middle of doing or saying has no jurisdiction when she’s around. Also, boys.  They’re annoying for another reason. Destroy. Throw. Break. Run away. Disregard personal safety. Don’t give two #&*!S. Repeat.

3: “You can be selfish a**holes”  Babies and toddlers are the most selfish beings on the planet. It’s all about them! What they want, need or desire. “Let’s go upstairs, I need my Barbie” “Can Mama finish her dinner?” Nope.  She has already eaten, so dinner time is done. I’m watching my favorite show, the boy will whine until I put Power Rangers on. Seriously? You’re not even allowed TV!  Oh, and sharing is not caring with babies, for real. Also, maybe I don’t want to sit through another episode of Peppa Pig, she’s the most irritating pig on the planet.  She sucks.

4: “You’re also a little weird” My two do the weirdest things and the oddest words and sentences come out of their mouths! “The police are going to put me in jail and I will eat ice cream there.” Hmmmm.  When asked if she would smile for the camera, Sienna proclaimed “The peoples can see my teeth and only one picture. I’m too busy for this” Cole, also is a weirdo.  But he doesn’t talk yet, so you just have to be there.

And finally…

5: “I’m afraid”: One day you will grow up, it’s inevitable. And I will miss you. I’m afraid of the teenage years and when you leave and go off to college.  Someday your careers will take center stage and even though I’ll be so proud, I’ll miss having you by my side. Then you’ll meet someone, fall in love, get married and have your own families.  I’m afraid you won’t want to speak to me every single day. I will wish and long for the days we have today. I hope you know that I will always need you and wish that you in turn will always need me.  I will be your champion, your savior and your best friend for the rest of my days.  When you call I will always be there. You two are the definition of unconditional love.  Please don’t forget about me as life passes us all by.  As I will be thinking of you every minute of every day. So even if you’re annoying, selfish and dependent, I love and need you more than anything in this life! To me, you’re perfect. To me, you’re mine.

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